The other day my wife and I heard this radio ad for WINZ (that's Work and Income New Zealand, formerly the department of social welfare):

"The qualifying thresholds for the community services card have risen.

Which means an extra 48 thousand low-to-middle-income earners can now get cheaper doctor's visits and prescriptions.

To find out if you qualify for a Community Services card, or to get an application form, call Work and Income New Zealand, free! ...on 0800 triple 9 triple 9, or you can come into one of our service centres and pick up an application form.

Remember to include your latest payslip when you send in your completed form. The community services card- for more information call 0800 triple 9 triple 9."

That may seem okay written down... but read it out loud to yourself.

Because that's what 99.9 percent of your customers are doing- not concentrating on your message. Your opening line needs to give me, the listener, a reason to stop and listen. It needs to affect ME in some way. It needs to be exciting.

Not, "The qualifying thresholds for the community services card have risen."

"Attract your customer's attention first, before telling them the details.

In other words, speak their language!"

And this principle doesn't just apply to radio! Whatever your form of communication, it needs to speak to where people are, right now!

Say for instance the ad started like this:

"Where does it all go?

You get paid, and then it's gone the next day!

Well, here's some good news!"

That would catch my attention. I would identify with it (and I'm sure I'm not the only one!) and stay listening, assuming that the ad would have some sort of solution to the problem it presented.

Then the ad goes on to say:

Who cares if it's 48 thousand or 10 million? Am I one of them or not? How about saying:

"You may now be able to qualify for cheaper doctor's visits and prescriptions, with a Community Services Card."

It's a simple change, but an important one.

No matter how unselfish a person is, we all look (or listen) for things that concern us. Appeal to your customer's self-interest, and you'll be heard (or seen!)

PRINCIPLE #2:

"Speak directly to your customer, about things which affect them"

The ad continues:

"To find out if you qualify for a Community Services card, or to get an application form, call Work and Income New Zealand, free! ...on 0800 triple 9 triple 9,or you can come into one of our service centres and pick up an application form."

Okay, this is not too bad.

But I do have to find something wrong, don't I, and it's this - THE SENTENCE IS TOO LONG! Way too long.

"Keep it short and simple"

How about this:

"Find out if you qualify! Phone Work and Income New Zealand toll-free, 0800, triple 9, triple 9. Or pick up an application form at one of our service centres - in your phone book under W."

Why did I add the "in the phone book" bit?

Because when you ask someone to do something, you need to make it easy!

Sure, it's obvious, but it's best to s-p-e-l-l t-h-i-n-g-s o-u-t.

Especially when you remember that your listener is not deliberately concentrating on your message.

So, give me (your customer) something to do that will benefit me, and tell me how to do it.

"With everything you communicate, decide on one thing you want your customer to do (eg: phone, visit, buy etc) then tell them how to do it."

Okay, the ad continues:

"Remember to include your latest payslip when you send in your completed form."

Why even bother with these words? If the form itself doesn't remind me, what use is reminding me in a radio ad? An ad that I'm hearing before getting this form.

It just doesn't make sense - I'd just leave this part out!

"Stick to the point!"

Finally, the end!

"The community services card- for more information call 0800 triple 9 triple 9."

That's ok! I have no problems with this line.

(One point to make- if you want people to respond by phone to a radio ad, make sure that either

a) your phone number is very easy to remember (eg 0800 999 999), or

b) your phone number is repeated at least three times in the ad.)

Now let's look at those ads side by side:

I know which one I prefer.

And notice how our new improved version is much shorter than the original ad.

This is much better, especially for radio where a calm, relaxed read really stands out amongst the usual fast pace!

So let's sum up:

"Attract your customer's attention first, before telling them the details. In other words, speak their language!"

"Speak directly to your customer, about things which affect them"

"Keep it short and simple"

"With everything you communicate, decide on one thing you want your customer to do (eg: phone, visit, buy etc) then tell them how to do it."

"Stick to the point!"

ConcreteNetwork.Com guest columnist SIMON YOUNG is a professional writer and communicator. His experience includes writing for websites, brochures, and 6 years creating radio ads. Look for insights from Simon every other Friday!

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